Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE winter but the past month or so has been rough and I have neglected my movie review duties. I’m sure no one has noticed or cares but the only way I seem to be able to maintain my few meager hits a weeks is by posting new stuff all the time. So I’ll just post an explanation as to why I haven’t been posting as well as I usually do.
The long version includes an ego-crushing tale of almost getting conned out of $95 and accounts of repeated ice storms knocking out my power and forcing me to live shoulder to shoulder with people I despise with every fiber of my being. My infinite laziness has played a role as well as the fact that I have been a little distracted with my other great entertainment passion, video games. The shorter version is simply that while I have snuck in a few movies these past few weeks they haven’t been what I would call bad. I watched “Red Dawn” which may not be as great as the filmmakers were clearly going for and the idea of tackling such subject matter with actors like Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, and those girls from “Dirty Dancing” is pretty hilarious but overall it’s not a terrible movie. It’s entertaining to watch and all that. I watched “Cool Hand Luke” which I would argue is a good movie. I didn’t walk away with a very deep understanding of Luke but that may have been more of my own ineptitude then the filmmakers. As near as I can tell part of the point was that there wasn’t much to understand anyway. I watched “Harry and Tonto” which was a pretty great movie. Probably a wonderful one as it left me sort of wanting more. It just seems like once they decided it was going to be over it just ended real quick like. Even if you didn’t want it to keep going that fast pacing clashed with the rest of the film. Though they say that your perception of time speeds up the older you get and the movie is about a man in his autumn years so I guess it’s possible there’s more going on here than I give them credit for. And I watched them all on AMC so for all I know they cut stuff out. Wouldn’t surprise me, the bastards.
In the meantime do yourself a favor and watch the new “Battlestar Galactica” from the beginning and in order because it’s legitimately good*, watch the movie “Immortal” because it’s fun-bad and I’ve been meaning to do a review of it for months now, play Final Fantasy VII because after over ten years it’s still the greatest game ever made, and if you have a good copy of the Roger Corman version of The Fantastic Four then do the world a favor and upload that rare gem because it’s long overdo for it’s time in the sun.
*- The new Battlestar Galactica is the single greatest thing the human race has ever achieved and is the best invention since the plow. In fact that’s how a civilization’s progress can be judged from now on; the inventions of the plow, the printing press, movies, video games, and the new Battlestar Galactica. Everything else is just filler, material that can be used as subject matter for games and inspiration of Battlestar plots. I can just see it now; Mr. Spock is looking through that viewfinder thing of his as he speaks to Kirk.
Spock
It appears they do have warp drive and have developed MMORPGs but have not yet written the pilot involving the Cylon attack on Caprica, Captain.
Kirk
Well let’s forget them then. They’re not advanced enough for first contact.
Uhura
Captain, I’m receiving word from Starfleet that the Gorlock Empire has finally re-written Starbuck as a female character and so far she has slept with a full third of the remaining population.
Kirk
Mr. Sulu, ahead warp factor nine.
Sulu
Aye Captain.
Yeah…I need to get out more.
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