Zombie Strippers Review

Title: Zombie Strippers (2008)

Rating: 4 out of 5

Tagline: “Live Dead Nudes”

My Tagline: “Stiff, Nude, Girls!”

Favorite Quote: “Iraq is making us enough money to make God cream in his fucking jeans!”

Plot Synopsis: In the not too distant future a zombie virus makes its way into the inner workings of an illegal strip club run by Robert Englund. The strippers who become infected with this virus are not only brought back from the dead but become “super-strippers” garnering them much praise and cash. The downside is that zombies inevitably do what zombies do and that’s eat living flesh. Those they partially devour become infected leaving the crew of the Rhino strip club with a nasty zombie problem to deal with. Refusing to face the obvious problems that arise from allowing your girls to eat your costumers Robert Englund decides to allow the feast to continue as he is making slightly more money then he was. You could make the argument that he will eventually run out of costumers and therefore will make no money but hey, we wouldn’t have a movie if people thought things through.

I was destined to like this movie. It has two of my favorite things. Zombies and strippers.

Review: I always feel weird about doing bad movie reviews for comedies. I guess I just want to help people become more aware of this movie. Since it is a comedy the best consideration I can give it would be whether or not I think it’s funny. And I do. Probably the best laughs can be derived from the characters but the movie is full of humor ranging from social and political satire to movie references, general absurdity, and more subtle things like the blonde bimbo reading Nietzsche. Overall I’d say it is an enjoyable experience that I would recommend to other horror/comedy fans. If however you want a movie that was meant to be good but ended up bad then this isn’t the film for you. It’s supposed to be funny.

Take it off!

For some of my hornier readers out there I will go ahead and answer some of the questions that are no doubt burning in your mind. And yes, there is a considerable amount of stripping and nudity in this film. Unfortunately, it is done by people who look like real strippers and not Hollywood actresses playing strippers so the action is more vomit-inducing than boner producing. I haven’t been this grossed out by a woman working the pole since Lindsey Lohan greased up the runway with her gin-sweat and vagibrand cigarettes in “I Know Who Killed Me.” Most of the action involves the one and only Jenna Jameson who is apparently, and for reasons far beyond my comprehension, just about the most popular pornstar in the world right now. I’d say she looks more like something a cryptozoologist wrestled to the ground in the Amazon and attempted to bring back to the states for gawking only to have it break it’s bindings and assimilate into the California population where her inbred deformities where mistaken for plastic surgery. So rather than have a title like Zombie Strippers which naturally makes us anticipate stripping just to mercifully disappoint us, as one might expect, the film subjects us to what feels like hours of bare breasted torture. To add insult to injury us lonely zombie geeks are not only forced to sit through fugly stripping but there are plenty of very attractive women in the movie who you would actually want to see naked but alas, we never do. It’s high school all over again. The pretty girls are too prudish and annoying leaving us with Bigfoot spawn and emo chicks with pierced nipples. Girls, girls everywhere but nary a poon to pound. My advice would be that when one of the ladies (and I use the term loosely) takes the stage reach for your favorite porno mag, pry the pages apart, and look at something that will make you happy. Unless you’re one of those people who gets off on feeling sick.

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