Alone in the Dark Review

Title: Alone in the Dark (2005)

Rating: 3 out of 5

Tagline: “Evil Awakens.”

My Tagline: “Being afraid of the dark is what keeps most of us alive.”

Favorite Quote: “Fear is what protects you from the things you don’t believe in.”

Plot Synopsis: Apparently you can get employment as a paranormal detective and one of them, Edward Carnby, (brought to life by the incredible Christian Slater) is looking into the mysterious death of a friend of his. This rough slab of hunky man-meat travels light but, “Carries enough baggage for the both of us.” During his investigation he unravels an intricate and brilliantly written tapestry of ancient evil, fascinating history, conspiracies, and wacky scientists. Eventually it becomes evident that Mr. Carnby is dealing with much more than a simple supernatural murder case but is in fact on a path that will lead him to a showdown between the forces of sorta good and these mostly evil invisible monster things that simply must end with he and his spunky, or spunk filled, companion Tara Reid (yeah, you kind of have to with “spunk filled” when referring to Ms. Reid) succeeding in sealing the portal to whatever dimension those monster things live in. And just to change things up our protagonist has a troubled past he must content with while on his adventure and rest assured we are privy to every second of it.

Review: Looks like Uwe Boll is at it again…

Well without out a doubt this film contains Tara Reid’s finest performance. And that’s really the magic of Uwe Boll. Not only is he willing to spend the majority of his budgets to get B-list celebrities to be in his movies but through the power of his own charisma and natural directing brilliance he is able to draw from those actors stellar performances the likes of which rarely blaze across the sliver screen. We are indeed blessed and this movie is classic Boll. The script is hilarious and despite having plenty of money the CGI looks like something you would see during a History Channel reenactment. But here’s the best part, Mr. Boll claims that it is the greatest special effects, and indeed movie, in existence. Well, until his next film came out anyway. And that’s what makes ol’ Uwe so great. Despite the fact his movies are the equivalent to running a reel of celluloid between his butt cheeks he earnestly believes he is God’s gift to moviegoers. I guess in a way he is God’s gift to bad moviegoers. Well I don’t want to over-hype this movie so just go watch it. I promise it’s very stupid. Oh and keep an eye out for the part where a dead solider gets up just before the jump to the next scene. Awesome.