Yeah…I meant to mention this from the start, I’m really not interested in receiving feedback from anybody. I know this website has a comments feature but that wasn’t my choice. That probably makes me sound like an asshole and it doesn’t fit in with the current perception of Internet behavior but discussion, especially online, is really not my thing. I still find it mind-boggling that people would even read blogs, let alone respond to them. Trying to understand why strangers would want to read what I have to say about movies makes my head hurt. It just seems crazy to me and I can’t understand why it’s so important for some people to get their opinions out there…and of all places on the Internet. People are weird. I’ll never understand it but I can accept it and try to exploit it for money. (which is tough considering how few of you click on the ads) Though I will admit, I do enjoy writing the reviews a little bit.

But to those of you who might consider writing to me about my reviews you should know I’m most likely just going to ignore you and it’s highly unlikely I will publish your comment. Yes, I realize I ask questions about movies for comedic affect but they are meant to be strictly rhetorical and are written because those are the questions that pop up in your mind during or shortly after a movie. I don’t need answers, its just part of the impression the movie made on me.

And I should also mention, while I’m at it, that I don't need any English lessons either. I love run-on sentences and I enjoy beginning sentences with prepositions to give my voice a more oratory feel. And try as I might mistakes just happen and the fact is perfect grammar just isn’t a priority for me.

I bring all this up because earlier someone had this to say about my AVPR review and since they wrote it before this little message I will acknowledge it.

“Actually the Predalien wasn't just using pregnant women, it also used the female bum, and the two people in the diner. And anatomy matters very little to an organism that lays eggs in a living host (like the desert wasp), the young aliens came out of the stomach because they were breed in litters, instead of just one at a time. Seems bizarre as well, unless your a geek (like me) who knows the alien life cycle. The reason for the litters (I know you'll question it) is that the Predalien was a Pretorian. A Pretorian is a class of alien just below the Queen, they produce the royal jelly used to feed the Queen, or in the case of no Queen eaten themselves to become a queen. However Pretorian also have the ability to breed in litters due to the creature being vulnerable alone. Understandable since the Aliens are little more than cockroaches on their homeworld. For full info on Alien life cycle check out wikipedia or better yet read the comics.

The predators "stupid" gun was actually quite impressive if you take it for what it is. It was actually a quick rigged zip gun made from his broken shoulder cannon. I'd sure like to be able to build one in my garage from spare parts.

The gun was then taken to the Yutani corporation, who merges with Weyland Enterprises to become Weyland-Yutani the company who runs the planet by the time of the first Alien movie. It is easy to see how this "stupid" gun could bring about an advancement in technology. Think about it, how much power did that little gun put out? How many advancements could be made just from figuering out the power source? Think a technology company doesn't have reverse engineers?”

Well I will say that I appreciate the fact that this comment’s tone is more informative than argumentative. Not like most people I’ve seen who seem to be trying to pick a fight with people they’ve never met in hopes of yelling at them with their keyboards. So here’s my response:

This is one of those things where it is clearly at least a little important to you and extremely unimportant to me so I’m happy to simply concede and give you reign over the floor on these issues.

It is possible, though unlikely, that my observations of what was going on onscreen were not perfect and I could have missed some impregnations but in my defense the movie was so poorly lit and badly directed that it was nearly impossible to catch everything and my statements reflected the overall impression that most people had about the action onscreen.

And I’m sorry but that gun is stupid. Even if I could rig one up in my garage I wouldn’t because I would be capable of recognizing the fact that hundreds of years of metal-projectile-gun evolution has lead to incredible pieces of technology that are capable of providing a wide array of abilities including rapid-fire, reliability, efficiency, stopping force, accuracy, stealth, as well as many others. I’m sure someone wants to say something about how a gun needs reloaded and I would retort by saying - A.) The psychological affect of knowing that how fast your gun will be reloaded is dependant on your skill instead of some piece of technology is not to be underestimated. B.) A gun can be fired more than once every ten seconds! C.) A gun can be reloaded in less time then it took that thing to charge up. And D.) We were given little indication how much power that thing had left (in fact I seem to remember he had trouble getting to fire) so for all we know in was out of energy ammo by the end and then you’d be left with nothing. With the addition of hundreds of years of bullet technology human guns allow us to do everything from wounding without over-penetration to shredding apart an organism’s insides with bullets that expand when in contact with body-heat but can cut through cold steel like nothing to poison bullets and even incendiary rounds. I would also be worried about becoming the laughing stock of my prey as I stood there helplessly holding my ridiculously stupid stumpy metal shaft with it’s blinking lights and beeping noises giving away my position. I suppose the enemy that has literally been running circles around me could be delayed by laughter long enough for half a charge to build and then I could really show them how scary I can be with a beeping flashlight.

And I will confess that I did struggle with whether or not to include the lines about how silly it seems that one gun would have such a strong effect on the course of human technology. Reverse engineering is pretty effective stuff and it is likely that, while it is a nearly useless weapon, that gun thing would yield some useful information. But all of that takes place outside the movie itself so it doesn’t count.

The most important point I would make is that my review is based on the experience of simply watching AVPR for what it is on it’s own. My review was written from the prospective of someone who walked into the theater with no prior experience with the Alien/Predator universe and therefore I was able to relate to the largest possible audience. Sure, I could spend hours of my time doing research and trying to understand all of the back-story but how many of us ever do that? Very few of us do and one thing needed for a work of art to be considered good is that it can be understood and enjoyed solely on it’s own. To paraphrase The Joker ‘If you have to explain a joke it isn’t funny.’ If a piece of art requires prior knowledge or any research in order for it to just make sense to us then it doesn’t hold up as a worthy piece of art. And yes, I know films contain “nods” to fans with references and things that only those familiar with a universe would get and that is a great but it when you must be familiar with a universe then the artists have failed us. An example of good referencing for fans was at the end when the beeping-robotic-penis-gun is given to the Yutani Chick. All that stuff about who can become impregnated and alien litters and all that nonsense is an example of things that creates confusion in the minds of your average moviegoer if they are not properly presented to us. And it was from that perspective with the confusion about, and impression of, AVPR that I choose to write from in my review as it was something that was experienced (and by the majority) of some people. This was done in hopes that one might read what I had to say about the film and think to themselves, “Yes! Exactly.” It is because of this spirit that I feel my review holds up exactly as it is.

So the short version of this post is: Unless you were involved in the making of one of these movies or have nothing but praise for me then it’s in your best interest to not waste the time it takes to write me as I will most likely just ignore you. Sorry if that makes me an asshole but I had to learn to live with that accusation a loooong time ago and I’m a busy man. But, if I do decide to respond it will be a big response like this posted so that everyone can see our feud. I’m lookin’ at you Uwe.

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