Title: Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell! (1990)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Tagline: “She was a bombshell from Brooklyn on a cross country ride to Hell!”
My Tagline: “It’s just as dirty as it sounds!”
Favorite Quote: “Feel the hard-on of sin!”
Plot Synopsis: A chick, or bombshell, gets worried about her twin sister because she has these feelings that she is in danger. The bombshell sets out to investigate and unwittingly unravels an unholy union of unkempt Unitarians bent on usurping the lord and bringing unending darkness by uniformly euthanizing young women and uplifting Satan through their uterus. Along the way the bombshell teams up with a hunky guy and a scraggly sheriff. Together the big strong men help the hapless hussy bring about the desired conclusion. Well, not my desired conclusion of a blood orgy ushering the prince of darkness into the world setting upon this Earth a thousand years of perilous darkness but the desired conclusion of some.
Review: This movie’s got titties, fights with cults, chase scenes, human sacrifice, rape, decent music, one of the greatest titles ever and possibly the greatest line in all of cinematic history. What more do you need? I’m not sure what it is about cult movies but it’s next to impossible to do a good one. This phenomena leads to some great bad movie fodder like this movie and others like “Final Sacrifice.” One thing about this movie is that it takes some of the major themes and events that occur in several other movies and depicts them more graphically then its contemporaries, elevating to a level by which other films shall be judged. It’s also a lot of fun to pick apart while you are watching as it is teaming with those things that make you ask those movie questions like, “Why did they…?” and “How come they didn’t just…?” or “But…?” It’s a bit long for the kind of movie it is but those odd scenes that are dwelt upon by the filmmakers adds to the strangeness factor that is necessary for fun-bad movies. Those scenes that make you ask, “Why am I watching this?” and “What were they thinking?” It will make you laugh, make you think, and if you are lucky by the end you will truly know what it means to feel the hard-on of sin.
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