Title: I Know who Killed Me (2007)
Rating: 5 out of 5
Tagline: “If you think you know the secret...Think twice.”
My Taglines: “The film that keeps you asking ‘what the fuck?!’ long after you have left the theater.”
“You’ll loose an arm and a leg working in this town.”
Favorite Quotes: “People get cut, that’s life.” & “I know who killed me.”
Plot Synopsis: An allegedly gifted creative writing version of Lindsey Lohan goes missing during a time when a rather sadistic murderer is on the loose. By chance she is discovered barely clinging to life with an arm and a leg missing. As she recovers it becomes apparent that the trauma she suffered while in captivity was so great that it broke her brain and she now believes she is a drug taking, slutty, erotic dancing version of Lindsey Lohan. (you know, the real Lidsey Lohan) This street-wise, tough-as-nails hooker version of Lohan calls herself Dakota and must unravel the elaborate mystery of exactly who it was that killed her.
Review: I would argue that “Plan 9 From Outer Space” and “Manos: The Hands of Fate” have a contender for worst film ever. I adore this movie. Beginning with a random series of jump cuts the audience is lost within the first three minutes. Even after things have settled down the cameraman appears to be suffering from Parkinson’s disease as we bear witness not to dramatic action scenes where a shaky camera might draw us into the scene but to slow conversations amidst a psychological thriller. By my count the camera never remained absolutely still for more than seven seconds. The rest of the time it’s drifting up and down, struggling to keep the actors in the shot. There is so much to love in this film but I’m reluctant to reveal too much. This is a movie that simply must be experienced. Though I will say that the idea that we are actually suppose to be taking Lohan seriously is hilarious and by the end you realize this is even doubly so. Watch with a friend so that you can compare notes afterwards and hopefully you will have a decent understanding of just what hell was going on. As well as one can anyway.
After you have seen the movie come back and see how these questions and statements make you feel.
-What?! You have got to be kidding me! Are you serious? That is so stupid!
-What’s the deal with all the blue? Yes, I know it’s a clue about the murderer and all that but it’s EVERYWHERE. Even the hospital’s doorways where blue. The picture frames, the murder’s weapons were blue glass…come on already! And don’t give me any of that, “Dakota’s red and Aubrey is blue” crap because there was not nearly enough red to support that idea. Everything was blue.
-Am I the only one who is disturbed by the fact that during the weeks we were watching Lohan adjust to her new surroundings the other girl was being tortured the whole time?
-Man, why is everyone so hard on the double amputee? The cops are getting pissed and shouting at a girl they believe just had their arm and leg forcibly removed while hopped up on meth. Lay off guys.
-Out of all the miles of highway she just happened to be stopped on those three feet where her headlights would be cast upon the body?
-What the hell was the deal with that dude’s chest? It’s like they were showing that Lohan is crazy but it turns out she isn’t so what’s the deal?
-Holy crap this movie was hard on the Mom. She actually has to listen to who she believes is her teenaged daughter have loud sex upstairs? That’s messed up man.
-What was the deal with the gardener guy? I guess he was supposed to be a suspect? He was just sorta there and then wasn’t for the rest of the movie.
-Oh come on, do you really mean to tell me that one person raised by a crackwhore mom and another raised by a well off suburban family aren’t going to end up looking pretty different?
-Wasn’t that thing with Lohan’s pooter and the cigarette the most disturbing thing in the whole movie?
Great flick. Just a great flick.